


I wish I'd never met you

by Roosterbytes



Category: Septiplier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Certain tags will be in the notes of the chapters they are in, Depression, Fighting, M/M, Youtuber turned Non-Youtuber, break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-01 07:38:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5197709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roosterbytes/pseuds/Roosterbytes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was bound to happen.<br/>Jack really wished it hadn’t though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Words we don't mean

**Author's Note:**

> For whatever reason, this had been floating around my head for a while now. And I've had a hard time starting it but thankfully this rough morning has given me a violent shove to start it. I also just got into a bit of a fight with my Mom. Just, lots of shit has been going down.
> 
> This is going to be my first official series. I have a very good idea of what I want each chapter to be and the plot. It's going to be a very rough ride.

It was bound to happen.  
Jack really wished it hadn’t though. 

Every couple has one of those big fights, where words they don’t mean are exchanged and both storm off, heavy and heartbroken. It always starts with something small, and their fight was no different.

Even as they’re flinging angry words back and forth, Jack has no idea how this fight started. He’s pretty sure Mark doesn’t either. But instead of realizing this entire scenario was ridiculous, they’re too angry to see the rationality of the situation. They shouldn’t be fighting, there was no reason for it but their adrenaline is pumping and neither is backing down.

“I fucking hate you, you’re a piece of shit. You don’t pick up after yourself and this is the third keyboard you’ve broken in this past month, and it’s not even yours this time. How the fuck did you manage to spill coffee on MY keyboard?” Mark’s yelling, face red, hands balled into fists as he speaks.

“Well you fuckin’ fell asleep on yer goddamn fuckin’ desk an’ I was being the lovin’ ‘usband that I am an’ was goin’ ta drag yer sweet ass ta bed. I put my bloody coffee down an’ you fuckin wacked it with yer big ass hands an’ spilt it. So don’t blame this on me Mark!” Jack’s screaming back, face just as red, if not redder. His neck tense, accent heavy as he gestures with rough movements.

“Loving husband my ass! You don’t come to bed until the early hours of the fucking morning because you’re working all the fucking time. You may be in the house but you might as well not be here at all! I don’t even see you more than half the time, you dick!” Mark’s tensing as if ready to brawl and he sees Jack do the same. There’s a small moment of clarity where Jack feels guilty, knowing how true that statement is. Apologies are settled on his tongue but they’re washed away by the blind rage.

“Well I guess I may as well no’t even be ‘ere then! ‘ave fun with yer fuckin’ life, you asshole! I’m done. I’m gone. Fuck you. Fuck you so very fuckin ‘ard!” Jack’s throat is hoarse as he turns away, fists clenched as he walks towards the front door.

“Good! You better fucking leave. I don’t want to see your fucking face anymore!” Mark stomps behind him, handing Jack his jacket, which the man snatches angrily.

“I wish I’d never met you! All ye’ve done is cause me all of this fuckin’ grief. Screw you and go fuck yerself!” Jack screams over his shoulder, slamming open the door. Mark’s in the middle of saying something but Jack doesn’t care. The door slams behind him, causing the area around it to shutter. He shoves his hands in his pockets and storms off down the street. 

He’s so blinded by his rage, he doesn’t notice scenery of L.A change around him.

_Be careful what you wish for._


	2. Shadow Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wish I knew who you were.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Edit** : I decided I wanted to write Chapter 3, but found myself unable to leave this chapter the way it was. It was a mess and it looked clearly rushed, which it sort of was due to my frustration with it not saving and me having to re-write 4/5ths of it. 
> 
> So, I re-wrote it, again. I'm much, much happier with this. I feel it flows better and I was able to find the right words. Overall, I'm satisfied with this and I hope you guys like to too. Although I'm sorry you guys will need to re-read this despite it having the same plot.
> 
> **Warning : Implied Self-Harm, Implied Suicide Attempt, Dark Themes, Implied Substance Abuse.**

Jack was getting tired of waking up like this. Tears streaming down his cheeks, body trembling as sobs wracked their way out of his lips. The same nightmare he's had for the past few months, replaying over and over in his head. 

_I wish I'd never met you! All ye've done is cause me all of this fuckin' grief. Screw you and go fuck yerself!_

Jack's eyes shut tight, as if he can retreat to the back of his mind where the images won't reach him. His shaky hands are tangled in his messy hair as he pulls hard, hoping to ground himself but he can't. The nightmare has it's claws tight against his chest as he begins to choke on the sobs.

He's watching himself put on a jacket he's never owned, in a house that he's never seen. The angry and bitter words he's heard himself say sting, or maybe that's his fingernails digging into his scalp. He doesn't know and it doesn't matter, not when the nightmare shocks him back when he hears himself slam the door open. 

_I'm sorry Jack! Come back, I love you! Please Jack, I'm sorry!_

Jack's heart aches as he watches himself walk away from the desperate baritone voice. Away from the shadow man who sinks to his knees behind the door Jack had just slammed shut. And Jack gets to watch as the man's shoulders silently shake, while white tears flow down his face.  
Jack's thrown out of the nightmare when his body lurches forward as another sob bashes past his lips. He's overwhelmed with the urge to run to this man he's never met. To apologize while tears run down their cheeks. To hold this man in his arms and tell him how much he loves him. 

 

Jack spends two hours crying his heart out. Hair still pulled tight inbetween his fingers as he chokes on sobs until his throat feels like it's been torn to shreds. The tears on his cheeks have dried and he slowly gets up, legs shaking underneath him.

On his way to the bathroom, he casts a glance outside, watching the rain pour down onto the streets of Ireland. Another rainy day to match the tear streaks on his cheeks. Another rainy day to remind him that Ireland no longer feels like home. 

 

Jack's tired. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally. He's just so tired. And although work keeps him busy, being a bartender can't distract him from the chaos in his head. He's been wiping the same glass for twenty minutes, watching the second hand tick by until his shift is over. There's a miniscule piece of happiness he feels thinking about his next job. Although working at an animal shelter doesn't pay much, the animals there are able to help save him from drowning for a little while.

 

Jack's been drowning too long. Not just in his head, but in the mass amounts of alcohol he's taken up drinking. The only positive thing he's gotten out of being a bartender was knowing which drinks would hopefully kill the ache in his chest.

They don't. 

He still wakes up a crying mess, the only difference being the hang-over the next morning, the frequent trips to the bathroom and the papers strewn apart his apartment, filled with messy hand-writing in various states of instability.

_I'm sorry Jack! Come back, I love you! Please Jack, I'm sorry!_

_Who are you?_

 

Jack ended up being fired from his bartending job not too long after. Too many bottles had gone missing and now since his supply was gone, he'd given up drinking. But that didn't mean he'd given up trying unhealthy coping methods. Smoking came next, but that didn't help him de-stress. It only leaves a bitter taste on his tongue and a disgusting smell on his clothes.

 

Jack's losing his mind. He knows that for sure. He's unstable, falling apart at the hinges and seams. The only thing keeping him grounded are his shifts at the animal shelter, but that doesn't last very long.

He can't save himself from drowning and neither can the animals. So he does the only thing he can think of to get out of his head.

He starts taking drugs.

It doesn't last long, barely even a week before he stops. With every high, hit and trip, the shadow man would become more real and Jack swears he sees him every time. Swears he can hear him breathe and his heart-beat thump when he towers over Jack who's curled in the corner of his bedroom.

 

Even when the drugs are out of his system, the shadow man remains. Although Jack does his best to ignore him- it, it continues to follow him everywhere. No matter where he goes or what he does, the man is right beside him, watching him.

It's only when the shadow man lays next to him in bed for the first time, that Jack loses it completely. He's dealt with the overwhelming ache of longing and heartbreak for too long that his mind finally snaps.

There's a flurry of movement as Jack gets up, walking fast to the kitchen. He can't take it anymore, he can't. There's a knife in his hand, pointed upwards to the ceiling as his knuckles dig into the side of his head. Small strands of hair are tangled inbetween white fingers as Jack pants between clenched teeth.

The shadow man stands several feet in front of him, staring at Jack with his featureless face. Jack can't let this continue anymore. The tiny rational part of him tries to find reasons to keep struggling but he has no close friends. His family.., he hasn't spoken to them in a while.

Jack knows he's going to regret this when he sets the knife down on the counter, grasping a paper from the ground and ignoring the scribbled words across the front. He takes a pencil in shaky hands and writes to his family, explaining his actions. Each word is pressed into the page. He's partially afraid that they'll think he's fucked up.

A bitter laugh echos in his apartment after tumbling from his chapped lips. He's already fucked up.

The pencil is slammed onto the counter, breaking under the force of his hand as he picks the knife up again. The shadow man is closer now and follows several feet behind him as Jack makes his way to the bathroom.

Once inside, he slams the door shut in order to keep the man out. It doesn't work and he's not sure why he thought it would.

He ignores the man, cranking the faucet hotter than he'd like but he doesn't care. It'll get his blood flowing and hopefully distract him from the pain and longing in his chest.

He places the knife of the edge of the tub before he gets in, not bothering to undress. His clothes float around him as he lowers himself in the tub, getting comfortable.

When he picks the knife back up again, he notices the shadow man standing beside the tub, looking down at him as he'd done in the past. Jack quickly glances to his clenched fist, taking notice of his position, before staring back at the featureless face with a mixture of anger and anguish.

The first line is made, heavy and deep up his arm before he repeats the actions to the other.

"Fuck you." Jack hisses through clenched teeth as he lowers his arms into the water, having them settle by his sides. He refuses to take look away from the shadow man.

 

Jack's still unfocused as he realizes he's slowly sinking further into the water. His head is lolled to the side, staring the the shadow man who is now sitting on the floor beside him. His arms are rested on the tub's edge as he watches Jack.

As Jack's bleeding out, he can make out thin white lines that make up the shadow man's features. Although he looks almost cartoonish, Jack notices the sadness in the man's eyes as they search Jack's face.

"I wish I knew who you were.." Jack whispers softly, a weak smile on his lips.

"I'm sorry Jack. I love you." The man whispers back, white tear streaks gliding down his face. His voice no longer holds the desperation it had in Jack's nightmares and it soothes him. Jack's smile becomes softer as his eyelids flutter shut, letting the man's words soothe him as the darkness takes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this. I apologize again for making you re-read it. I just couldn't leave it the way it was.


	3. Home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's still a big part that feels like it's missing and he's not sure if he'll ever find it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I want to start off by saying that **I re-wrote the last chapter**. The plot is still basically the same but I managed to find the correct words and I'm much more satisfied with it. A few things changed, not drastically but I feel I painted them a little better.
> 
> That being said, I read all your comments on the last chapter. And I'm very grateful you decided to leave them. I apologize for the context of it, (sort of) but hopefully this chapter makes it up to you. And I hope you guys like it.

_It's dark._

_And no matter where he looks, there is nothing beside him in the vast darkness._

_He cannot move from where he stands. Nor can he call out because when he tries, no sound comes from his lips._

_"I'm sorry Jack! Come back, I love you! Please Jack, I'm sorry!" Echos from the darkness. The shadow man's baritone voice desperate once more. Jack searches the pitch black smog once more but there is nothing there._

_"Who are you?" He hears his own voice echo back, although it did not fall from his lips._

_"I wish I knew who you were.." The words are shaky, whispered so softly beside him._

_There's nothing there when Jack turns his head. An inaudible sigh falls from his mouth as he lifts his hands to rub through his hair and down his face. That's when Jack feels it._

_He pulls his hands away from his face, staring at his pale fingers. Upon his left ring-finger, sits a silver ring._ I'm your husband _is written across the silver band and Jack's eyes widen at the sight. He's too focused on his hands to notice the shadow man. He's only pulled out of his gaze when the shadow man takes his hands in his._

_"I'm sorry Jack. I love you." He whispers, a soft sad smile on his face. He leans forward, their lips not too far apart._

_"Los Angeles.." falls from the man's lips. The exhale brushing against Jack's own as it takes the air from his lungs._

 

Jack's lurching forward and he barely registers the rush of the water falling around him. Weak fists pound at his chest as he coughs and sputters, choking on water that had trickled into his lungs. His clothes are clinging to his skin but he can't feel it. The only thing he can feel is his body shaking and shivering as the cold air mixes with the cold water on his skin.

His eyes are shut tight as a burning sensation stems from his lungs all the way up his throat, which begins to feel raw. Shaky hands settle on the edge of the tub, knocking an object to the floor. He opens his eyes and stares at it. 

"Ya've got'ta be fuckin' kiddin' me." Jack whispers out between chattering teeth and blue lips. On the floor where the shadow man had sat, sits a marker. The tip is pressed in and Jack stands up on wobbly legs before looking at his arms. A faded streak runs up the length of each forearm.

A bitter laugh falls from his lips as he almost falls back into the tub but manages to catch himself with an arm against the wall.

Had he really lost his mind that much?

He stares back down at the marker, stepping out of the tub and bending to pick it up. It's dented tip stares back at him, taunting him.

 

When Jack finally manages to get himself out of the bathroom, he's carrying the marker as if it was foreign to him. And in a way it is. He's not sure what happened in the last few hours but he remembers the shadow man. Jack looks around frantically for him but there's no trace of him. 

No matter where Jack searches within his home, he cannot find him anywhere.

" _Los Angeles.._ " Jack hears the words echo in his apartment and freezes in place. When he looks to where the noise had come from, once again he sees nothing, but the words make his heart beat rapidly.

"Home.." Falls from his lips and Jack's shocked by it.

He's got to start packing.

 

The plane ride is long but it gives Jack time to think about everything that had happened. He tries to piece together everything from when the nightmares had started to the more recent events.

He's got a notepad in front of him as he connects the events while occasionally rubbing at the marker lines on his arms. He couldn't find it in himself to scrub the remaining marks off, even when he showered. He knows he needs them to remind him of what had happened and to remind him it was real.

Or at least.. he thinks it was.

He's not too sure anymore.

 

Jack tries his best not to drop his baggage when he sees the shadow man again.

There's people rushing around him, hitting his shoulders, but Jack can't move. The shadow man is leaning against the front doors, a smile small tugging at one side of his face, arms crossed as he waves to Jack.

Jack desperately wants to run to the man and encircle him.

But he can't.

Because he's not real.

Jack's jaw snaps shut at the thought, clenching tight. His grip tightens on his bag as he makes his way to the front doors and out of them. A quick glance over his shoulder shows that the shadow man is following him with an expressionless face.

 

When Jack finally settles into his new apartment, the first thing he does is stare out the window. The scenery around him feels familiar and it tugs at his heart. Despite this town feeling like home, it's not entirely true. There's still a big part that feels like it's missing and he's not sure if he'll ever find it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this and sticking with me. (:


	4. I found you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The man he's been searching for, all this time, finally has a face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies. I know it's been a REALLY long fucking time but I've finally managed something for you all.
> 
> I don't want to get too into why this small thing took weeks to write but I feel I owe you all some sort of explanation. A lot is going on and a lot of things have happened since I last updated. I have not been doing okay, physically and mentally, and have only managed to write this much because a friend's writing motivated me enough to write this. I have honestly spent two and a half hours, just trying to get even this out. I know it's not much and I may eventually add onto it, but right now, it is the best I can do in my current situation.
> 
> Thank you for being patient with me. I hope you enjoy this.

He takes it back.

He takes back what he said about being tired of it. He'd rather go back to waking up alone, tears streaming down his cheeks while his body trembled under the force of his choked sobs--because **anything** was better than this. Anything was better than the reoccuring hell that happened when he woke up.

It was the same thing every fucking morning since he'd arrived in L.A. He'd wake up from the same nightmare that tore his heart out. New tears would paint over the dried ones from the last time he slept. And the shadow man would gently rest his arm across Jack's back, fingers wrapping around Jack's shoulder, as he tried to calm him down.

It never worked. It only made him long for the shadow man, his husband, more.

 

Jack's not entirely sure how he manages to get a job, let alone two, but he doesn't complain. They keep him busy and allow him to hopefully stumble upon the man who has been haunting his dreams. Surely, his luck can't be that fucking bad.

And thankfully, it's not.

Although he doesn't meet the shadow man within the first few months, he begins to have new dreams. Little snippets of scenes from places he had walked by that day, which has him wandering around town as often as possible. Some of them make him laugh, while others leave him hot and bothered, because seriously, who the fuck dirty talks to their significant other in a fucking library?

Jack still can't look at the check out desk without blushing.

 

Months and months of searching, and all he needed was a name.  
Just one word that would turn everything on it's head and give him all the answers he needed and he heard it from some kid on the street.

_Markiplier._

Jack's hands shake as he types the word into Google's search bar and when he hits enter, he sucks in a breath.  
The image before him has tears gliding down his cheeks and a wide smile tugging at his lips. The man he's been searching for, all this time, finally has a face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful day.


	5. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone else getting annoyed with my inconsistent updates, cause I know I sure am. Sorry everyone who had to wait this long for something. And even this isn't really "story progression". This was supposed to be the last chapter but life happened and all that fun stuff.
> 
> A lot of personal stuff happened so I was unable to write this chapter, which is all cutesy and shit, and instead wrote the mess of the last chapter, that I didn't feel like deleting. I realize I could delete it now, but that's sort of pointless. Anyway, take care everyone.

_“Jack, paint me like one of your French girls.” Mark says, hand on his hip while the other supports his head as he lies on a park bench. His eyebrows waggle up and down while his mouth turns into a sly smirk._

_“Maaaarrrkkk..” Jack whines, covering his face in embarrassment as it flushes red. There’s people around, the noise of dogs and children in the background as he peeks between his fingers at Mark._

_“Oh come on Jack, you know you want all of this.” Mark chuckles, gesturing to his body as he tilts his head back, exposing his jaw and neck better._

_“Yeah, but the whole world doesn’ fuckin need ta know!” Jack growls, finally moving his hands from his flustered face to grab Mark’s and haul him to his feet._

_“C’mon ye asshole.” Jack grumbles, pulling Mark behind him as he walks through the park to the exit. Mark is chuckling the entire way with a huge smile on his face._  
\---  
“Hey Jack..” Mark rumbles deep into Jack’s ear, startling the other man. The book Jack was holding is now laying on the floor, opened to a random page. Jack gulps and begins to turn his body but Mark’s hands on his hips keep him from moving. 

_“Y-yeah..?” Jack whispers, turning his head towards Mark. The man has a seductive grin on his face with predatory eyes._

_“I saw you run your fingers across the front desk when we walked in. I’ve noticed you glancing at it. What’s got you so interested Jackyboy?” Mark purrs into his ear, pressing himself against Jack’s backside. There’s a moment of silence as Mark brushes his lips against the shell of Jack’s ear._

_“Perhaps you're imagining being bent over it as I fuck you long and hard.” Mark rumbles, nipping at Jack’s ear which causes Jack to whimper._

_“Or maybe you’re thinking about how you need a new desk because yours fucking sucks.” Mark chuckles, pulling himself away from Jack with one final nip to his ear._

_“Yer a fuckin tease, Fischbach.” Jack growls, turning to face Mark. Jack’s face is flushed red, stretching to the tips of his ears to his collar bones._

_“Ah, but you love me.” Mark smiles, a mischievous glint in his eyes._

_“Shuddup.” Jack mumbles, taking his hand and walking out of the library._  
\---  
The stars stretch across the sky above them, slightly dim from the city lights. There’s a gentle breeze that shakes the trees around them as they lay in the grass. Their hands are intertwined as Jack rubs his thumb across the back of Mark’s hand as they enjoy each other’s company. 

_The silence is broken by Mark, who sits up and untangles their fingers, which causes Jack to sit up as well._

_“Is something wrong?” Jack asks, studying Mark’s face._

_“I wanna cuddle with you.” Mark whines, doing grabby hands in Jack’s direction, which causes him to laugh._

_“Alright ya doof.” Jack chuckles, walking on his knees to sit in front of Mark whose legs are spread to accompany Jack. Mark grins as Jack settles inbetween his legs and wraps his arms around Jack’s torso._

_“I love you.” Mark says, happiness and content painting his words as he rests his chin on Jack’s shoulder._

_“I love you too Mark.” Jack replies, the same happiness and content in his words as he places his hands on top of Mark’s._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient with me. I'm sorry this took so long but a lot happened and I was just not able to write. Thank you for reading this. Have a wonderful day.


	6. Author Note/Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some stuff you might need/want to know.

Hello everyone,

I've re-written this a few times so I'm just going to get it all out as best as I can.

I'm going to be on an "official hiatus" for a little while. I realize I've been gone for about 3 weeks at this point but I need time for a different reason. This reason is of a more serious matter that started last week and has progressively been getting worse. I will probably be gone until the 1st week of February unless I am able to meet with someone sooner.

I do want to finish this story. It was supposed to have one more chapter before I started the sequel, but I don't really know. I may just try to finish the entire story here and ignore the series part. I've made everyone wait for such a long time and I really hate making you all wait more but unfortunately this is out of my control. I am going to try to meet with them sooner but I cannot guarantee anything. I feel awful.

If I'm able to muster writing energy, I will do my best to put it towards the next chapter.

Thank you for sticking with me through all this. It does mean a lot. I wish I was able to have regular upload schedules but I am unable to at this point.  
I'm sorry everyone.  
-E


	7. Finally meeting you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes Jack a while to find him.  
> Hours upon hours spent roaming the streets in hopes that at night a memory of their home will play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm alive and super energetic so I was able to slam this chapter out. I've debated removing the last chapter but I'm afraid that it won't update anyone subscribed with the new chapter so I'm just leaving it.
> 
> I wrote this after reading what I'd written so far, so I hope it's around the same sort of atmosphere. I really hope you guys like it. _Thank you so much for sticking with me and my inconsistent updates. I adore you all and I do read every comment. <3 I hope you all have a wonderful day! ___

Jack’s got a spring in his step as he makes his way to work. He’d thought about asking for the day off but he needs some time to chew over what he’s going to say to the man- to Mark, who has been haunting his dreams. He’s got plenty of questions as well.

 

Jack spends work thinking and his lunch break pacing. It’d gotten so bad his boss had just given him the rest of the day off and Jack thanked the woman profusely before rushing home. There’s so much he has to say, so much to ask.

Jack almost frisbee throws his laptop into the wall as he whips it out and places it into his lap. He can’t help how excited and anxious he is and his bouncing legs prove it. It doesn’t take long for him to fill the blank word document before he begins reading it over and editing it. He wants to send it as an email but he _needs_ to see Mark.

 

It’s Jack’s day off and he’s made sure to dress in his best clothes. He feels like he’s going on a date or about to meet his significant other’s family. Mark’s family. The thought temporarily rids the fear clinging to his skin but not for long.

 

Jack takes another deep breath, hand held in the air to knock. He’s been standing there for a few minutes trying to muster up the courage to know. With one more heavy breath, he rolls his shoulders and knocks loudly.

There’s noise on the other side before the door swings open. It’s a man Jack doesn’t recognize and he begins to nervously shift from foot to foot.

“Can I help you?” The man asks, trying to be as polite but obviously not happy.

“Does a..” Jack begins before clearing his throat. “Mark Fischbach live here?” The man doesn’t appear to be happy with Jack’s response, casting a glance back over his shoulder into the house.

“No, he doesn’t. Sorry man.” The man says but he doesn’t sound sorry at all. He begins to close the door but Jack shoves his foot in the way.

“Do you know where I can find him? I need ta speak with ‘im.” Jack pleads, studying the man’s eyes which harden defensively.

“Please..” Jack begs. The man lets out a heavy sigh before glancing at Jack’s face again.  
“Fine. Wait here.” The man says, casting a warning glance Jack’s way before retreating into the house. Jack begins to fiddle with the paper, causing crinkles to appear.

It doesn’t take long for the man to come back and Jack smiles gratefully. He side-steps and instead another man steps out, arms crossed over his chest after shutting the door behind him. Jack takes a moment to study him and almost bursts into tears. Scratch that, he does. Jack’s on his knees, papers dropped beside him as he sobs.

“I’m sorry M-m-ar-k. M’so fuckin sorry. I did-n’t mean what I said. I did-n’t wan’ta leave our ‘ome, I was just so fuckin m-mad and god, I’m so sorry Mark. I didn’t m-mean it. I l-love you, please don’t f-file for d-d-d-iv-orce.” Jack’s shoulders shake as he clutches Mark’s pant legs, head cast down in sorrow and shame. There’s a moment of silence before Mark speaks.

“Sir, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sir, sir..” Mark steps back before crouching down and reaching out with cautious hands. Jack doesn’t hesitate to leap forward to grasp Mark in a strong hug.

“P-please Mark, I-I said I w-was sorry. I-I know it’s been a w-while an-an you nee-needed time b-but I c-couldn’t stand it. Y-you kept haunting my dreams an-and then you were haunting me- and then I f-finally found you.” Jack sobbed into Mark’s shoulder .Mark managed to push him back some to look him in the face. Jack looked back with watery eyes and choked sobs.

“I really have no idea-” Mark began, trying to keep Jack at arms length.

“M-mark, di-did we already get div-orced? I-is that why you d-didn’t come to find me? I-is that why I can’t find my r-ring?” Jack hiccuped.

“ _Sir, I don’t know you._ ” Mark says sternly and Jack feels everything stop. His breathing, his sobbing, his heart. His body tenses, shock coursing through his entire being before nothing but darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how many of you hate me?


	8. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ryan was right.. you're crazy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again lovelies! There's no reason it's been two weeks besides the fact I forgot due to stress. I greatly apologize for that and know I'm not making it up to you with this chapter. Let's watch the world unfold, shall we?
> 
>  
> 
> **WARNINGS : Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt implied.**

_“Jack.. I’m sorry.” It’s faint now and Jack desperately reaches forward into the darkness hoping to grab hold of Mark. The man slips through his fingers like sand, his image dispersing into small glittering particles. Jack watches them with watery-eyes as they begin to disappear further into the darkness. Jack doesn’t hesitate to follow them. He can’t lose Mark, not again._  
\---x

There’s noise and clattering around him. The sound of heels and heavy footfalls off in the distance and Jack doesn’t bother to open his eyes. There’s no point anymore. The one thing he had, that he’d been living for, had rejected him. Instead he sighs heavily through his nose and tries to ignore the glaring red that is the back of his eyelids.

“Are you awake?” A deep voice asks, clearly not amused. Jack’s body tenses and after a moment of convincing himself the voice was real, opens his eyes to see Mark sitting a few feet away from him. Jack can hear his heart rate monitor picking up as he stares wide-eyed at Mark.

“Whoa, calm down there.” Mark holds up his hands in a placating gesture which causes the papers in Mark’s hand to crinkle. Jack’s eyes snap to the papers, he can briefly see his messy handwriting on the page and his eyes dart back between Mark’s eyes and the papers a few times.

“W-w..” Jack begins, licking his lips before trying again. “Why are you here?”

“Well jeeze, I’m sorry. I’ll just mosey the fuck outta here then.” Mark says, slightly serious but slightly joking as he slowly gets up.

“NO!” Jack says, lurching forward before falling back into the bed after a yelp. The wires hooked up to him had pulled against the movement and caused him pain. Mark plops back in his seat before sighing. He casts a glance at their closed door before scooting closer and staring at Jack with a serious expression.

“How do you know some of these things?” He asks, gruffly.

“You told them to me.” Jack whispers, gulping lightly. What he wouldn’t give for shadow Mark to be there to help him out.

“Bullshit.” Mark grinds out. “I’ve never seen you before today.”

“Now that’s bullshit.” Jack grumbles back.

“How? I’ve never met you before! I don’t even know your name!” Mark rumbles. Jack’s eyes widen at this.

“Are.. are you serious?” He whispers, hesitantly.

“What do you mean am I serious? Of course I am. Can we get back to you answering my question now?” Mark sighs impatiently.

“I told ya. You told me all o’ that. Did you hit yer head and get amnesia or somethin’?” Jack questions, trying to contain the panic in his head.

“What? No. Look dude, I just want answers and your papers freaked me out, okay?” Mark sighs, running his hands through his hair.

“You think yer freaked out? Less than a year ago, I started having this reoccurring dream that I was leavin the love of my life who had nothing but a voice and a shadowy form. An’ that shadow form haunted me for fuckin’ months. Then it got a sketched on face for a while. Only after I attempted ta kill myself did I know where to fuckin’ start and ‘ad to move ‘ere. And then a few more months until I finally knew yer fucking name and face and finally, fucking finally, I find ya and you’ve got no idea who I am. So you think yer freaked out, try that.” Jack shouted, fists clenched at his sides as his heart monitor beeped rapidly.

“Ryan was right.. you are crazy.” Mark said, shaking his head and leaving. Jack unhooked his wires and went after him but was too late. Mark turned a corner and was gone as a nurse had their arm wrapped around Jack and refused to let him go any further despite his yelling.

Jack got sedated and was eventually brought back to his room where he slowly lost consciousness as fast heavy tears fell from his cheeks.

 

When Jack getst discharged, he realizes he has nothing. He’d severed all ties with his family when he’d lost his mind in Ireland and the one person he’d been searching for doesn’t even know his name and thinks he’s crazy. He’s stuck in a foreign country, in a city of memories that he’s not sure are real. It’s a life not worth living and Jack hangs his head in resignation.

 

The air whips around him and Jack listens to the sound his coat makes in the breeze. He’s high up and it’s freezing cold but it doesn’t matter, he won’t be around for long. Several beer bottles sit beside him and he’s still sober although he wishes he wasn’t. He stares at the paper in his hands and rolls it up before shaking the remaining drops of liquid out of a bottle and trapping the paper inside. He stands, with one last look at the bottle that stands in place where he’d just sat before closing his eyes and leaning forward.

_I wish I'd never said 'I wish I'd never met you.' I wish it'd all go back to normal, to how it was before. I wish you knew me and loved me. I wish I was still your husband. I wish I could change the past, turn around and run into your arms. I wish I could apologize. I wish I'd met you._


	9. Coming back to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Forever and Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally planned for this to be longer but I decided this is how I wanted to end it and not drag it out any more. I hope you all enjoyed the story. Let me know what you think of it. Take care everyone and have a wonderful day. <3

_The air whips around him and Jack listens to the sound his coat makes in the breeze. He’s high up and it’s freezing cold but it doesn’t matter, he won’t be around for long. Several beer bottles sit beside him and he’s still sober although he wishes he wasn’t. He stares at the paper in his hands and rolls it up before shaking the remaining drops of liquid out of a bottle and trapping the paper inside. He stands, with one last look at the bottle that stands in place where he’d just sat before closing his eyes and leaning forward._

His body hitting the ground wakes Jack up as a dull thud echoes across the hotel room. A pained groan soon follows as his body throbs with ache and he slowly lifts himself up from the carpeted floor. With his eyes half open, he gets to his feet, wobbly a few moments before standing still.

The nightmare slams into his chest and he’s throwing his arm out to grip the headboard for support. Tear tracks are running down his cheeks and he casts a look around his room.. but it’s not his room. It’s a hotel room that doesn’t have his or Mark’s things in it. A room that doesn’t have their bed where Mark isn’t under the covers. A room that he shouldn’t be in. He should be home with Mark, apologizing and peppering loving kisses to his husband because he doesn’t want to imagine a world without Mark. Because he doesn’t want his nightmare to be real.

 

Jack’s pretty sure his belt is unbuckled and his fly is unzipped. His is half hanging off his body, a sleeve dangling in the wind behind him as the cold air greets his bare arm. But none of that matters. None of it matters because he has to get home. He has to make sure Mark is still there. He has to apologize until Mark forgives him.

 

Their house looks foreign for a moment as if Jack had never lived there and that scares him. He blames his sleep clouded mind and watery eyes before sliding in the key and unlocking it with ease that causes Jack to sigh with relief. At least he still lives here.

The house is quiet and Jack glances down to his upside down watch, briefly flipping it over to see it’s 5am and Mark should be getting up soon. _If Mark’s still here._ The thought scares him and Jack all but flies to their room. He’s loud on the steps but he doesn’t care. There’s panic and fear in his veins and he _needs_ to see Mark.

The door is thrown open and inside on the bed is a bundle of human being. Jack lets himself have a quick breath before walking over with trembling legs and shaking the sleeping form with quivering hands. The form groans and flops over, facing Jack and he sighs with relief as heavy tears fall once again. Mark is in their bed. He’s there. There’s tear tracks down his tan cheeks but he’s there and Jack falls to his knees. 

“Oh thank god..” Jack sobs, fingers clenching into the mattress. His heavy sobs continue for a few more moments before there’s shuffling and noise.

“Jack..?” Mark rumbles, clearly tired. Jack’s head snaps up and he’s immediately on his feet again, hugging Mark who is sitting up, wearing boxers and Jack’s sweatshirt. Apologies and loving words are shooting through Jack’s lips as he hugs Mark and soon he feels Mark hug back. The two are holding each other, sobbing messes as tears stain each other’s tops but neither care. Mark pulls back from Jack’s shoulder and slams his mouth into Jack’s who returns the force with needy kisses.

“I’m so sorry Mark. I’m so sorry. I love you so much and I don’t want ta imagine a world without you.” Jack whispers against Mark’s lips, holding his face as he stares into Mark’s eyes.

“It’s okay Jack. I’m sorry too. I love you too and I don’t want to imagine a world without you either. I don’t think I could bear it.” Mark replies, staring back into Jack’s eyes.

_“I love you.”  
“I love you too, forever and always.”  
“Forever and always.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with me. It means a whole lot and I'm so happy you all enjoyed it enough to stick around. <3


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